She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.

one of the best love movies ever.



one of the best scenes in that movie. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve everyone. And a merry Christmas because I probably won't be on this tomorrow. Anywho, check out Pandora.com if you like music. It's this site where you can create a "radio station" that plays only the type of music you like. You type in the name of a band you like, or your favorite song, and it plays songs that have similar qualities. It's really good. After the first couple songs, you really start to get to the point where you don't run into any bad songs. Well there's my Christmas gift for you.

but don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be, so darling save the last dance for me.

and as i succumb to the much sought after state of semi-consciousness, i realize that as of right now, everything is alright for me. right now, i have not a care in the world. oh how i love the night, hiding my problems behind a beautiful veil of stars and subdued colors. ah well, good night and sweet dreams dear world. until tomorrow, when my problems shall miraculously resurface.

lets hear it for america's suitehearts....

for once in my life i think that my neck it too tired to actually hold up mt head. I'm planning on typing this whole post with my eyes partially closed. cause I'm cool like that. so anyway, it's about time I've gone on another rant. this time about... commercialism.. and what better time for this than Christmas? so anywho, I think that people spend too much money on getting what they think they should get, and not on what they want to get. i mean take the common suburban housewife for example, she buys a minivan, and owns some kind of designer purse thing. that's basically what most wives now are like. and it's really stupid. i mean i think most people are stuck on that whole I've gotta beat the Smiths mentality. you know, how the "Smiths" have something better than you and instantly you have to get something even better to beat them out? yes. well it sucks. so pretty much, if something works, and does what it is supposed to do, then don't even fucking bother buying something more expensive just to be better than the "Smiths". a normal household should be determined by what comes naturally to you. not what comes naturally to someone else. it's about time that we start setting some new stereotypes, and change the boundaries. it's time to start changing minds, prove people wrong. and there's definitely no time better than the future. (yes i did just use that overused quote.)

these important thoughts of mine, scribbled down on scraps of napkins will end up crumpled, defeated in the nearest trash can.

It's two hours until midnight and you've never looked better.
you tell a convincing lie, but can you back it up?
"Please don't do that. Don't just leave and act like you don't care like I do."
It feels like i'm wasting my breath on people with deaf ears.
I wish my world wasn't made up of liars and fakes.
The idea remains the same and yet so much of it has changed.
It feels like I'm sprinting as if my life depended on it and yet i'm going nowhere.
i'm crumbling now, in on myself like a pillar caught in the downfall of a cathedral. something that once stood so high, now falls so low.
I've never seen a city look so beautiful in it's sleep, and yet I can't fully enjoy it.
There are familiar tried people strewn across the floor, knocked out cold with fatigue. They are here just for me.
This is such a pretty sight to see when you need to feel loved, and yet I can't fully enjoy it.
Sometimes I can't help but quote songs because they capture my thoughts and feelings so perfectly that anything else would just fall on its face.
So here I go.
"The best part of believe is the lie..."
And boy did I fall for it.
I thought I was in love.
personal confession: i fall asleep thinking about your eyes.






(snippets of things i wrote strung together to form a rather understandable thing. don't you just love how somethings just fit together perfectly? yet another reason why i don't throw anything out.)

streetsigns and sidewalks have never looked so...

ah, well. the late night and early mornings of winter are the best times for me to be creative. even though i can't keep my eyes open. you know what this means. it's time for a draft of a poem. I'll revise it later.

Stars


I'm sitting out here
on a blanket of snow
one side frozen
and the other warm
your body heat transfers
and so does mine
from your limbs to mine
and from my weak breaths to yours.
the coat of stars covering the sky has never looked so good
my childhood has disappeared to you
and yet i feel no regrets
a once innocent child
now a full blossomed teen
still very much in love
hiding unseen
in the blanket of the night
i could waste away with you
stop the clocks
unwind this watch
unravel time
and bask in this
these moments stolen
these seconds shared
under the stars
just me and you
not a care in the world
nothing better to do.

as a sad insomniac, i lack the knack of falling into a blissful state of rest

I haven't posted in forever, and i'm starting to miss this. The weatherman has lied to me yet again. 12" he said. and what do I get? not even a single flake. disappointment is etched into my face today. or rather i should say tonight. I've been working on some poems lately, but none are good enough to post yet. i've also been working on a short story. you'll hear from me soon.

A little madness now and then is relished by the wisest men.

i'm tired. watched a marathon of christmas movies tonight. i'm in a chritmas-y mood. maybe i'll just have to parade around in my pajama's and sing me a christmas carol. i know that there's at least one person right now that i wish would join me in my escapades. maybe i'll wake them up.

shoes?

WOW. just wow. i'm pretty shocked. throwing shoes is the worst insult that the person could come up with. but i would be prety scared if some guy just randomly threw some shoes at me. but still, throwing shoes. isn't that just a little juvenile there?

birthday greetings are much more sincere when you're there to accept them

its my brother's birthday today. i gave him the new The Academy Is... cd. and he gave me some of his old shirts. we're going out to buy him some new film for his camera. this is gonna be FUN. i cant wait. he got a new tripod that he's just dying to test out. excitement is here. a house full of festivities, yet i'm sitting in a room full of gloom. why is it that something seemingly so great, when closely inspected seems to fall short of expectations?

hmm

three little dots, so small, so seemingly unimportant, can mean so much. it leaves so much up for interpertation. leaves something so openended. it can have many interpertations. many misunderstandings. it gives you the sense of covering undiscovered ground. three simple ink blotches. causing an imperfection in an otherwise perfect and orderly paper. three small points that are used so often. so much that they start to have little meaning. and yet it's like falling off of a cliff when read. such a sudden dropoff. a sense of being unfinished. and yet sometimes comforting. it effects you. it effects me. and yet it's just three small periods...

...

it's so funny how a simple question can make you feel more connected. there's many questions. they can be hard like "Do you love me?" the words themselves have important meaning, but when you put them together, it's like a perfect bomb. If put together right, it can effect everything, if not, it doesn't work. the questions can also be simple. something like "is it raining where you are?" the words by themselves don't have such a great meaning, but if you think about it, the question can make you feel closer to the person, just because it feels like you are experiencing the same thing. or maybe that the same water is affecting you. it's like a weak string holding together two people. a common ground. a similar struggle. just a simple question, and yet such an unknown effect.

three little dots, so small, seemingly unimportant, can mean so much.

stayed up until late late last night and babysitting tonight. It's raining again. The soft pitter patter of the water splattering against my window like the paint of an artist's brush. exploding upon itself and creating a unique design. then the gravity affects the remainder of the once perfect raindrop and pulls it down my window creating tracks of the slick liquid. its a constant reminder of the everchanging world that we live in. the uniqueness of everything. i wish i could dance in it like a small child experiencing the perfect drizzle, and yet i find myself tied down by the social barriers set up by ourselves. that we couldn't be accepted if we just for once acted like ourselves. i wish i could take away the effect of other people on me. shed the words like a snake sheds its skin. just erase those thoughts and live just as me. stop caring about what others think and just be unique. different. special. much like the raindrops covering my window, it creates its own work of art.

This is my blood you see on your walls, these are my lungs that scream for it all.

Ugh I'm so pissed that my computer has decided to stop working for me. So extremely pissed. To no end. So i can't log in to my account for my computer, no matter how hard I try. it just won't let me. so i've pretty much lost all of my documents, and pictures, and music. the hardest thing to leave behind is my music. and i was gonna give some of it to my brother for his birthday. I had just bought it special for him. UGH

there's a fine line between what is justified and just obscene.

WOW. I am so stoked for The Academy Is... They're in the top 50 albums for the Rolling Stones, for this year. Crazy Stoked. I just can't believe it. I mean I read about it last night I think.. either that or sometime last morning... I can't remember. But still. Wow. Just wow. I'm am so incredibly psyched, you have no clue. I'm like screaming inside my head. I mean it's such a great thing for the band. It's such an honor. And it's Rolling Stone magazine.... it's just amazing. Oh and you've just gotta love the fact that they're still called Emo Kids. well, long live the beautifully talented Emo Kids of The Academy Is... I hope they continue to put out the amazing work that they do.

Go on get out get out don't even think about it...

UGH... it's one o'clock and I still haven't finshed my social studies project. Procrastination is not a fun thing. Well I guess I"ll have to turn it in late. Goodnight world. Sweet dreams.

Just one more, and then i'll be satisfied for the night. just one more, and i'll be done

one more poem tonight, in order to make up for the fact that i feel pretty sad that no one ever reads my blog anyway. this one is called,

Words

I wrote a letter to you today
I wrote down everything that I wanted to say
But I couldn't bring myself to mail it.
It didn't seem real enough
A small scrap of matter
Couldn't hold all of the emotions
That I keep bottled up inside.
It would bend under the weight.
Bend and then break.
Maybe it's not that important anyway
You don't seem interested
In reading a single word I write
Even though it's all for you.
Maybe its not that special
A word can be used in a million ways.
So how do you make this one way,
The one way that you want to be important,
How do you make it matter?
I've tried screaming,
But the words lose their sting.
I've tried whispering,
And yet the words just dissapear.
I'm left with all of these emotions,
And no way to express them.
It's times like this,
That a friend that I take for granted,
My friend in words,
It's these times
That they turn their back on me.

Our Time Is Almost, Our Time Is Almost Here...

Ah, the insomnia bug attacks me yet again. How I hate the fact that despite my greater wishes, I just can't seem to fall asleep as of late. Oh well, I'll just once again turn to music to help lull me to sleep. I hope I can actually get well rested tonight. Well as long as I'm up, might as well type in this poem that I've been meaning to post.
It's called:

Evertyhing I Wish I Could Say To You, But Don't Have The Guts To.

Have you enjoyed your 15 minutes of fame?
Because its time to step off of the pedastool
that you've been holding yourself on.
Have you ever realized
That you're praised
Because you the only one
naive enough to want it that bad.
Not everyone loves you,
like your middle school teachers did.
So I ask you yet again,
Have you enjoyed your 15 minutes of fame?
Because its time to step off of the pedastool
that you've been holding yourself on.
That's right
no one really wanted you up there to begin with
they'd much rather see themselves.
But where would we be then?
A sea of people on pedastools,
and no one really
with their feet on the ground.

I'm addicted to over-caffination and bright florescent lights

So i've stopped posting song lyrics as all of my blog titles, if you were wondering why some of the titles weren't songs. But there will still be many, many, many song lyric titles. So, seeing as that I haven't been able to come up with anything to post today, I decided to post,

THE TOP 5 PEOPLE THAT I WANT TO MEET. (be they alive, dead, real, or not)

5. Steve Carell - hilarious guy. i think we would get along.

4. ee cummings - just an all-around amazing person. Too bad that my wish to meet him will never come true.

3. Charlie Brown - He is the most lovable little dude ever. a year is not complete without watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. I've also always liked Linus, and I guess that he shares this spot then too. So does Snoopy.

2. William Beckett - Not only does he have an amazing voice, he happens to be in my favorite band, he writes amazing lyrics, and I've heard that he is incredibly nice. (note that The Butcher, Sisky, Mike, and Michael are also on my top list of people to meet) he may be tied for 1st.

1. Audrey Hepburn - Not only is she a great actress and was my role model, she did some really great things later on in her life.

so basically the only person out of the list of people that i want to meet, that i actually can realistically meet, is William Beckett, and the other TAI band members.

I'm fighting a fight without fists in a war without a cause.

The lazy suburbs of Chicago have never looked so pretty, dressed in a coat of snow, gusts of wind causing the stray floating flakes to dance. And yet, today we have been shocked by crazed greed of yet another political mind. I've always been rather fond of the quote "Absolute power, corrupts absolutely."

If you haven't already read about it, go here.

Isn't it sad that he's the fourth Illinois governor to have been arrested in the lifetime of my middle-aged Enriched Frosh Geometry teacher? I was hoping that with a new change as big as Obama being elected, which I am still ecstatic about anyway, that just maybe, things might start getting better. I know it's just another naive thought of a young teen, of course things aren't just gonna get up and improve, but one can hope right? I mean the economy is so bad, the gas prices are DROPPING. How ironic is that?

Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a puddle because you're just that shallow

sleep is a much needed thing, and yet i can't seem to be able to fall into that so desired state of unconciousness. so here i lay, staring blankly at the glaring bright screen of my laptop and listen to the clicking and tapping of my fingers as they dance across the keys, forming words that my mind speaks. how i so wish that i could just close this beloved laptop and get some much needed sleep. sedatives have never sounded so inviting, and yet i can't seem to get myself up in order to find that much sought after bottle of nyquil, that will not only put me to sleep, but also relieve me of this soon to be cold.

tonight i'm finding a way to make the things that you say just a little less obvious

TODAY IN HISTORY

1940 - 1st NFL championship on national radio; Bears beat Redskins 73-0

1980 - John Lennon, assassinated in NY by Mark David Chapman at 40

so today is the day of a very happy, and very sad event. anyway, GO BEARS!

Man meet your maker, I give you the author

Tired of seeing you ignore me, tired of you pretending not to notice me. I'm here. So get off your high horse and deal with it. I'm not planning on leaving until you answer me my question. It's a simple one, and yet it gives you so much trouble. All I want to know is...

Why did you say that you don't love me anymore, when just yesterday you looked me in the eyes and said that you wished we could stay that way forever? In each other's arms, and in complete and total bliss?

I guess the writers were right when they said that ignorance is bliss.

You don't need to say goodbye, cause I'll see you in my dreams.

I wish I could turn back the hands on my old grandfather clock. Change the time, the date, and go all the way back to when we first met. I would do it all differently then. Don't you know I've kept my eyes open, so that I can see everything when we are together? That I've sharpened my hearing, in order to hear your breath as we escape into sleep? I've fallen asleep to your heart-beat more times than I can count, and yet to you that now means nothing. I look into your eyes and don't recognize the face I'm seeing. You stare at me with glass eyes, unseeing, not noticing, not understanding. So this is it. I try to talk to you but all I get is silence. I'm crying out for you to speak and yet you remain mute. It's hard to let go of everything we had, and all that I wanted for us to be. I find that saying goodbye to you is the hardest part. It's so hard to let go of something so sweet. So hard to let go of the very fabric of your dreams. It's difficult for me, and yet I find that you've already moved on, when I'm still only just starting to whisper my goodbyes. 

a kiss for luck submerge myself and in 7 weeks resurface, even if we don't look back again

So, I found out that i can still access this website at school, and i'm just fooling around and not working on my actual report. That's just me, goofing off instead of actually working. Anywho, it's snowing today. I like snow, I'm really hoping for a white christmas this year. I saw a Charlie Brown Christmas yesterday. It was on the t.v. but i missed that so i used the wonderful world wide web. charlie brown is such an unfortunate child. He always seems to be in need of a hug, of some other form of comfort. The snow is so beautiful, blanketing the world in a vass sea of white. Sparkling and showing off a slight tint of blue. It's just so pretty. Well, I must go. Class will be ending in 5 minutes and I really need to get something done.

I'm the son of rage and love, the Jesus of Suburbia. From the bible on none of the above.

So... there's nothing really to talk about today. So, I'm gonna post two of my poems that I wrote yesterday and today.

Winter:

The snow swirling through the sky

White dots speckling a window

Blanketing the sky

The gentle gusts of wind

Billows out the blanket

Sparkles acting like a glove

Forming around the wind

It's winter again

Yet with all this,

With everything in excess,

I find myself

Looking for something more

The cold creeping in

Slipping through the cracks

Seeping through even

Your warmest of coats

Cold enough to turn your face

A bright cherry red

It's winter again

Yet with all this,

With everything in excess,

I find myself

Looking for something more

The flurry of activity

Brings children from their houses

Spending afternoons decorating their lawns

The parents rushing hurriedly

From store to store

Slumping under the weight of their purchases

It's winter again

Yet with all this,

With everything in excess,

I find myself

Looking for something more

Looking for something more,

I find myself

Looking for something more.

ah, so i only ended up post one poem...