"And I know that it's so cliche"

The touch of your skin lingers on me
I can feel your heartbeat
racing under my fingertips

You make my heart take flight,
and I’m soaring to new heights.
I’ve passed cloud nine
I’ve touched the stars
that glisten in your eyes.

You free me
from the chains I’ve always held so dear
You wake me
from the nightmares I’ve trapped myself in
You kiss me
and the world starts to turn in reverse

I’ve never felt so alive,
I’ve never felt so beautiful,
I’ve never felt so in love.

I love you.

Him.

He completes me.

Soft,

Warm,

Caring,

Kind.

He's everything I ever wanted.

I love him fiercely.

For once, I'm completely happy.

And I wouldn't exchange this for anything in the world.

"Glad that you can forgive, only hoping that as time goes you can forget"

I regret how it ended with you.

I know we weren't really anything official.

I know that it wasn't going to last.

I know that I never really loved you.

But...

You wanted it to be official.

You wanted it to last.

You loved me.

And I left you behind in my dust when I left.

I found someone new.

And now I love him.

I just wish that I had more tact.

You deserved a phone call.

I was moving on so rapidly that you didn't fit in my new life.

You had changed,

It was like I didn't know you anymore.

And there was the distance.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am now.

I would never go back to you.

But I miss you.

We started this as friends.

Then we spiraled into lust, and it all changed.

I miss how unapologetically badass you were.

You stood your ground, even to the point of violence.

You protected and loved with ferocity.

I want that in my life.

But not in the way that I had it.

I still think of you

Your cigarette kisses,

Your rough hands,

Your brash actions.

You've changed me.

But I don't want it back.

I miss you, but I don't want you.

I love him.

But I'm sorry.

And every time I think back upon our summer,

I'll be sorry.

I regret how it ended with you.

all we are to you is lost

She was alone, completely abandoned on her front porch. She took in a drag from her cigarette - nicotine was a welcome crutch in her already ragged life. Closing her eyes, she slowly let out her breath imagining all of the shapes the smoke made as it left her behind. ‘So this is what it’s like to have everything fall apart around you.’ She sighed again and opened her eyes.

“Take a long hard look at yourself; no one even cares about you. When was the last time you left the house? Jesus, you’re pathetic.” The words rang around in her head, repeating themselves, contorting and twisting, writhing like snakes. She couldn’t close her eyes without seeing the scene repeat itself over and over again. For the first time in her life, she realized that she was completely and utterly alone. It wouldn’t ever get any better than it already was, and it definitely couldn’t get any worse. It was almost comical how it seemed that a few spare days ago her life seemed to be getting along alright. Nowhere near perfect, but she was living. She looked down at her cigarette and noticed that the flame was gone. Reaching into her pocket, she desperately tried to relight the stick to no avail. The flame wouldn’t catch hold no matter how many times she flicked the lighter. With a small scream of frustration she slammed the lighter onto the floor next to her and crushed the cigarette in her other hand, the small shards of plastic jutting into her fingers.

“I can’t believe I wasted my time with you. You’re just a lonely pathetic bitch who’s desperate for attention. I wish you could see yourself like everyone else does.” A small sob escaped her mouth and she closed her eyes tight, wishing the pain would go away. This depression always seemed to be clawing at her chest, scratching its way through her heart, imbedding its long nails into her lungs, she couldn’t breathe. She placed her palm over her heart, pushing in, trying to hold it all in. She felt like gagging. She could feel the tears dripping down her face but didn’t bother to raise a hand to stop them. The rain seemed almost perfect; the dark deep sounds of thunder reverberating through her chest.

“Why couldn’t you just stay away? Everyone’s life would’ve been just fine if you didn’t come back into our lives and mess everything up. I was happier without you.” She felt pathetic, the words rang true. Wiping her hand hastily across her cheek, not caring that she was spreading lighter fluid with her fingers, she shakily pushed herself up to her feet and stared off the porch at the rain falling in the night. There was no one left in the house. There was nowhere for her to go, nowhere for her to stay. She had nothing.

“I wish I’d never met you. God, I can’t believe what a fool I’ve been. You’re never going to go anywhere in life. You’re nothing. I hate you.” With a pounding heart she pushed herself off the porch suddenly running, sprinting. She couldn’t stand it anymore, she couldn’t stand herself anymore. She hardly realized that she was sobbing, she didn’t even care that she was wearing a white tee-shirt or that she wasn’t wearing any shoes. She didn’t care that people were watching her. She didn’t even blink when a few boys snickered at her now transparent shirt. She couldn’t feel anything but the pain lashing its way through her chest. Her feet stung and she could hardly see through her tears but she continued to run. Her sobs mingled with gasps as she furiously sprinted throughout the town straight for the pier. People shouted out to her; warning her to stay away from the water, trying to get her to stop running. She felt like she couldn’t stop, she just wanted it all to stop.

“You’re nothing to me. I don’t want you see your face ever again. Get out. You’re dead to me.” Running down the pier, she didn’t even think about what she was doing when she started climbing over the guard rail. She finally stopped running. Looking down at the rocks below, she could feel herself starting to catch her breath. Grasping the rail and leaning forwards, she closed her eyes and breathed in the world around her. She listened to the waves crashing around her, the rain as it poured down, the thunder as it reverberated through her chest. She could hear her sobs as she kept her eyes closed, could feel her clothes plastered to her frame, could feel her hair as it whipped in the wind. Most of all, she could feel the pain, the all-encompassing pain that she just wanted to stop.

Opening her eyes, she took in the world around her one last time and released the rail from her hands, feeling herself start to fall forward when suddenly she was yanked back by her waist. With a gasp, she was pulled over the guard rail and was placed back on the ground, now facing her savior. Her sobs escalated as he pulled his arms around her and hugged her to his chest.

“Look, I know that I don’t know you, but whatever it is, it will go away with time. Life is worth waiting out the bad storms. Life is worth the effort.” She sobbed harder at his words, at how strong his assurance was that life was worth living. She tried to push him away feeling undeserving of his efforts, of his embrace. He had saved her but she didn’t deserve to be saved. He showed affection but she didn’t deserve to be cared for. She deserved to be alone, she deserved pain.

“I feel so alone” She whimpered as she sobbed into his chest, giving up on escaping from his embrace. He hugged her tighter to his chest.

“You’re never alone.”

"For I ne'er saw true beauty until this night."

By the way, happy new year!

"You're shouting so loud you can barely enjoy this broken thing"

It stood tall and proud, a ghost of former glory. It was firm, solid; peeking through the branches of trees as cars drove by. It looked untouchable; atop a small hill sparsely surrounded by trees weathered and worn, its siding striped and speckled with old age. Its size was misleading, the compact appearance giving away nothing of the depths of its interiors. Few knew the truth about the house at 231 Maple; in fact many knew so little to the point that the house barely existed in their minds. Its presence often overlooked and ignored that one might start to believe that the house didn’t exist at all. The town saw the house as a curse, at least the few that actually acknowledged its presence. One never spoke of it, the mere mention of it gained such a curious and suspicious looks that whoever mentioned it eagerly changed the subject.

It was once inhabited by a young man. Coming to a reasonable wealth at a fairly young age due to the death of a relative, he bought the house, repaired its exterior, and moved in. In the early weeks of his purchase, he filled the house with the finest furniture, the finest food, the finest company. He seemed content, the house seemed alive, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. And then suddenly it all changed. It appeared as if things suddenly stopped moving in the house. The man never left, people never entered. Its doors and windows shut so tight, one could never know if anyone even lived in it anymore. The house became quiet, it stood still and eventually the man was forgotten. His name erased from the minds of his former friends, until one day years later he emerged. He was a changed man, frail and weak; his eyes were dead. He got into a car and left, speaking not a word to anyone. A phantom, slipping quickly out of sight. The house was put up for sale with all of his possessions still inside.

Decades later found him dead in his studio apartment, a paranoid old man who boarded off his windows, taped measuring tapes to the floor and walls, blinded the room with sterile white light, itinerated all of his belongings down to an old brass skeleton key that remained in a locked box upon a shelf. His closets were taped shut, his cabinets locked closed, every shadow banished away with a light bulb. He had no friends; he lived life as a ghost. He lived silently, he died silently. The house remained empty, no one wanted it. It remained abandoned and it appeared as if it would stay that way forever. But that was before his will was found and read.

He left the house to an old love of his, one that had lived with him before he disappeared and mothered his children. However, she too had passed on and in turn it was left to the next living relative; his grandson. A grandson that had never met him, never spoke a word to him, never even knew he existed. A grandson named Leon Salomon Gennette. A grandson who happens to be me.

Upon first glance, I judged that the house held no importance to me. I decided that I would go through his possessions, set up an estate sale, sell the house and then move on with my life. I didn’t know the man and thus his possessions held no value to me other than the in the physical sense. I brought a small suitcase, ready to set up in a guest bedroom until the whole ordeal was sorted.

After being dropped off by the taxi, I approached the front door easily. Thoughts of life at home distracted me from the slight unease tumbling around in my stomach.

I've actually been playing around with this one for a while.

should I continue?? dun dun dunnnn.....