You utter so much as one syllable, I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish

I have to say, I love The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, even if it is sometimes just for the quotes. I'm known amongst my friends for quoting random movies. The only upsetting thing is that sometimes my friends don't understand the movie reference, and I'm just left hanging. Which leads to me laughing by myself, at what would've otherwise had been very funny. 

I'm sneaking on to the computer right now, under the guise of doing some social studies homework, which I actually do have to do. So don't think of this as a hint that I'm on for good again.

I dissected a rat today in biology class. It wasn't so bad. Actually I might venture so far as to say it was fun. Except for the whole dissecting the reproductive organs. Ugh.. I shudder just thinking about it. It was a male rat. shudder... But I'm OK now.

In social studies we're watching Elizabeth, the golden age. I suggest you don't see it unless you are prepared for a small sex scene and queen nudity. I'd personally find the movie OK, if the two aforementioned scenes weren't there.

I'm feeling a little better than before. Sorry it ended so abruptly. I was forced to cut it short, and log off. But, as a plus, I'm feeling OK right now.

"You can breathe, you can breathe now... You can breathe but the air is running out."

I'm finding comfort in the songs

that sing in my ear everyday.

The lyrics that soothe the pain

and ease the sorrow.

The sweet melodies

that remind me that I'm not the only one. 

These aren't just slow songs,

or love songs

But these are real songs

Full of life

and energy

Chock full of good excuses

to just plug in

and wipe away

all thoughts of anything else.

I fought a war to walk a gang plank into a life I left behind.

There's something so humbling to me about lightning. I've always loved it. I can never really understand how someone can fear something so beautiful. It's an interesting type of beauty. A harsh, wild, fierce, dramatic beauty. It's something amazing to watch something so powerful, and yet so graceful at the same time. Gentle and fierce. Rain is the perfect addition to it. Another perfect piece to an already perfect puzzle.

My first soccer game is tomorrow. We're playing shorter than usual on account that three girls on my team were caught at a party that had alcohol. Which is OK I guess. Maybe we can pull through as a team. I'm very excited for it. However, tomorrow is also the day of my orchestra festival. I'm not looking forward to that. I do like playing the violin, and I do admit that I have gotten better, but I just can't stand my conductor. I don't like the fact that he seems to find some kind of joy in calling people out on their faults. I am not one that will stand by while someone treats people like that, but I have no choice. I, myself, have to respect my teachers and superiors. It's how I was brought up. 

"he isn't up in heaven so I'll treat him like he's dead."

There's something that I find so attractive in the piano. It's always been my instrument of choice. I'm not quite sure why, but I've always found some sort of unseen attraction to the instrument. It holds a special place in my heart. I've been playing since before I could read. But of course that was only Mary had a little lamb and it was because my brother had taught it to me. I've been hooked ever since. I've also always loved an acoustic guitar. I mean, electric guitars are OK, but I adore acoustic guitars. Maybe it's the sound, a stripped down, more real sound to it. More earthy. I've always wanted to take up the guitar, and maybe I will. I've learned how to piece together a song here and there, but never really bothered to really try to learn it. I really want to though.

I'm thinking that I'll try to end my posts now in either a song lyric, or a poem. Either or, depending on what I feel at the moment. You do know, creativity doesn't turn on like a faucet, so the days that I'm lacking a little, I'll just post up a small lyric. I'm going to try my hardest to post almost everyday. But I wouldn't rely on it. Sometimes I forget, and other times, I'm just plain grounded.

I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Maybe it's the product of growing up, I mean most adults I know are pretty accepting of how they look. I'm starting to think that maybe I am as pretty as some claim me to be. A couple of my friends, and a couple of adults claim that I resemble Lucy Liu. I think I'm just pretty in my own way.

I think many things. For example; I think I'm depressed. Over stressed. And my parents are killing me slowly.

"Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly..."

Well, until next time, I bid you adieu. Oh and, it will be two to three weeks until you next hear from me, I'm grounded. And I lost my phone to my mom for forever.

Can't someone please stop this song, So I won't sing along?

My library card won't let me request anything/check out anything. I have too many fines. Oh well, I'll have to fix that soon. What do you do when you like someone, and they like you back, but they don't know that you like them? What if they think you like someone else? What do you do then? I guess I'll have to find out on my own. 

I'm a regular to this place.

Sitting by a phone,

dreaming of his face

All alone,

wishing he would call.

But maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Maybe shy smiles and awkward glances

are all we'll ever amount to be.

It's just a big misunderstanding.

I wish you would talk to me.

Send me a line

Throw me a rope

I'm sitting here waiting

For a simple sign telling me

That you're listening,

That you know what I'm saying.

I feel like I'm on my own

screaming into the wind

Hoarse whispers whisked away

You'll never know

What it is that I have to say.

I wish someone would please stop this same old song

and keep me from blindly dancing along

It's just going to end the same way

A broken heart with so much left to say.

Recently I've been out-dating myself, amongst my peers.

Funny how similar these are, isn't it? It's nice to see that even bands like to copy each other, makes them more human. It feels like lately I've been kind of reverting back to older styles. I've been listening to Lynard Skynyrd and Led Zeppelin. It's interesting how basically a majority of the Led Zeppelin songs are love songs. Plain and simple. I've been reverting back to the 'retro' style. The old fashioned bikes, the black and white movies, the classics. I'm wearing a pair of straight legged dark blue jeans folded up, a skinny black leather belt, and a white tank top (tucked in). I'm watching old movies, like Beetlejuice. I'm not using my laptop quite as much for no reason whatsoever. It's normally now just for my iTunes. I've been using CD's more than ever, and actual video tapes. Maybe I'll make a mixtape soon. A real one, cassette and all. Black and white photos are decorating my room, thanks to my fantasic brother. He's really talented. I feel a little dangerous right now, I recently 'relocated' a street sign. From outside to inside. It's the street sign to the street I live on, from the corner I live at. Don't be worried non-rule-breakers, it was bent and scratched to where it would've just been thrown out otherwise. It was also on the sidewalk. 

"This is easy is as lovers go, so don't complicate it by hesitating. 

This is wonderful, as loving goes." 

If I could open my arms to span the length of the isle of Manhattan

Soccer's getting to be pretty tough. But that's ok I guess. I've always liked to play soccer, it felt like I had something to remind me that I'm here, an adrenaline rush like no one ever knew. I've been reading the lyrics to some of the songs that I listen to everyday, and I haven't realized until now that I tend to gravitate towards songs with amazing lyrics. Like the type of lyrics that just the phrase itself stays in your head all day. I think Fall Out Boy is a great example in the phrase, "The best part of believe is the lie..." Funny thing is, I recently found out that that part of the song was sung by William Beckett of the Academy Is... it's kinda funny, I was a fan of his, before I even knew it. I would fall asleep to that part of the song on repeat, played over and over through my speakers. But in listening to these lyrics, I've found a new sort of inspiration, and more poems have been flooding my head all day. So here's one that I wrote just today:

Play the tape back

Because it's not quite as it seems

Look closer,

The hero bleeds in this scene

The braveheart, he flees everything

The rich boy loses absolutely anything.

Reality's just out of reach

In this sunset by the beach.

Take out those special effect

Don't give what they'd expect.

This is way too cliche

I already know what she's gonna say.

Stop the tape

I've had enough,

Please say "cut".

You want reality?

Then lose the camera

Viewing life through a set of lens

Tends to fade out the reality.

Focus in on the fake

Because that's all they want to see.

Fade to black

Don't look back

Play the soundtrack

Roll the credits

Stop while you're ahead.

And I almost had you, I wish you would've loved me too.

“and in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. it’s the life in your years.”
-abraham lincoln

Very tired, but it's been a while since I've last updated. I feel so hypocritical, I don't like it when people just don't update for long periods of time, and here I am doing the same. Soccer's started up again, and I am one of six freshman on the sophomore team. I'm pretty happy about that achievement... but don't want to brag. So I'm keeping this short. Hello, I'm not dead. but I am tired, so goodnight.