She will be loved...

You make me giddy with joy. You make my heart do backflips, somersaults, and kartwheels. You have such an effect on me, it's insane. The best part is, you're all mine. I don't know what it is, but I'm no good at love songs. I'm no good at putting down the words to describe my feelings. All my doubts, my insecurities, I'll never be able to show. I don't know what it is about it, but words seem to fail me in times of happiness. In times of doubt, and such, they are there, glaring me in the face. But in times of happiness, they shy away, hiding in the darkened corners of my mind. Maybe it's because I'm new to this feeling. Maybe it's because I've never experienced this before. I don't know. All I know is that you're pulling on the strings holding my heart in place. Be careful, I break easy.

Welcome Home.

I understand things better when I'm alone. I only ever know what I'm doing, when I'm doing absolutely nothing at all. I change my emotions like a celebrity changes their haircut. I'm never in the same place for too long. I bore easily. There's so much to me, and yet there's almost nothing to me at all. I wish I could be carefree. You know how all those stories start, telling of past innocence, naive childhoods. That was me. It was so much easier then, so easily me. Now I'm just a ghost of former glory walking amongst those who claim to know me. But I'm not alone. Take a look around, you can see all the people who feel more comfortable behind closed doors. Hidden in plain sight. People who are only themselves when no one's looking. Take a look around and you'll see so many people dying to be real. Even you're not exempt from this. It takes a lot af practice for a person to be themselves. This is reality. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Peace out now y'all...

Peace. It's a word in every teenager's vocabulary. Everyone knows the word. People even have a hand gesture for it now. It's like the key part of a picture. You could look in any given teenager's photos and you'll find at least one picture of them posing with peace. But it's become an overused word now. Do people ever really stop to think about what they're saying? Or do they just think it's cool? They probably think about hippie's and retro looks. In the time that peace first became popular, it was in statement about the war. Vietnam. They wanted peace. They wanted the war to end. But what do the teenagers now want? It seems they just want to be cool, to be anti-war. But they aren't that into it. They've used the word so much that the word has little meaning in popular context. Peace used to be a statement. A word that had meaning. Now it's just an overused word much the likes of "like", and "Oh My God." It's just a string of letters commonly used by people ages 10-20. What happened to the peace that meant something? The feeling of peace that overcomes someone? The peace that is talked about in religions? Those peaces still have meaning, still strong. I wish that was the peace that people still had today.

"Peace is not something you wish for; it's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away."

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

It's hard to lose someone. It's hard to lose someone that everyone around you loved, but you barely knew. Sure that might seem like an empty statement. You might think, "What the heck? Wouldn't it be harder if you were close to the person?" Yeah, it would be. I never said it was harder, but that it was almost just as hard. But to have to see the people around you go through it, the light in their eyes, formerly bright and shocking, now sickening and dull. It's vacant. It's empty, missing. To see the person you love cry, to see them hurt. It's like my heart's being ripped out. Right at the seems. Ripped out and stabbed. And then having someone come back and run it over with a car. Sure that sounds very morbid, but that's how I feel. A small sussurance of my former happiness is all that's left.

People take grief differently. Some try to move on, some just cry it out, some deny that it ever happened. Some just want everyone to feel sorry for them. You never know what kind of person they are, unless you've seen them at their lowest. At the worst they could be. Put someone in a horrible situation, and their true colors show. 

People don't live forever. You're bound to lose the people you're closest to. A tragedy is bound to happen. You'll have to bury some people you'd never want to say good bye to. Things don't always go in order. Some parents will bury their children. Some friends will bury their best friends. Pain strikes everywhere. But it's good to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who has had to do that. You're not the only one going through pain. It's just hard when you are forced to realise just how mortal we really are. Just how fragile. No one is invincible. No one is immortal. We're all going to die at one point, there's no denying it. But it's just so shocking when an example of it all presents itself to you. Suddenly, unwanted, painful.

My great-grandma died the night before Easter. She was 100 years old. It was four days ago.

Ok so, I've figured out that I can send updates through texts. How fun is that? Yeah I know. So anyway, if I were to post via text, then it's because I'm hit by a sudden idea and are away from my computer, or just not able to reach my computer. Either way, you'll have to bear with me. My texting isn't too great and I use t9, so words are bound to get mixed around. Oh and as a parting note, today I met Superman.

I'll state something rash, she had the most amazing... smile.

Music is like the sweetest pill. Rain is my favorite weather. Contemplative, calming, humbling, dangerous, angry... I wish it would rain more. I've found that I'm stuck listening to the same songs over again. They're wonderful. I'm hooked. Oh Well, it's better to be hooked with a shiny new one, then an old rusty sharp and hurtful one. That's how music is to me. Good music is shiny and new. Even if it's older than my parents. Old rusty sharp and hurtful is like hip hop or rap. Music that doesn't even use a single instrument. A Capella is a completely different story though. I'm getting really tired, but I was extremely bored so I posted again. 

I went to The AP TOUR concert on Saturday. It was amazing. I met the members of The Maine, and A Rocket To The Moon. John Ohh almost stole my wallet, which I was having him sign. I got all of their signatures. It was amazing. I gave him my wallet to sign, and some crazy lady told him that he had to move, and he did. Considering that there was a huge group of teenies surrounding him, it was kinda hard to get back to him. He started waving it around saying, "Who's fucking wallet is this?" and then I got it back. I got a hug from each of them. It was really nice. I think that I had the most fun I've had in a while. I got two free posters from the merch guy for ARTTM because he liked my wallet, and because I made it myself. He was nice, we talked for a little and my friend freaked out because she thought that she lost me. Well anyway, it was oodles of fun, and I must be going.

Wouldn't it suck if could you only have two toes?

"I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart
I need to find my way back to the start
When we were in love
Things were better than they are
Let me back into... 
Into your arms."

You're as fake as the moans you make.

Tired. Exhausted really. I should probably be doing the heaps of homework that I have. Instead I'm fooling around on my computer. But that's just me. It's how I always am. I find I'm having trouble focusing lately. UGH. I'm so tired. Well, Happy Belated Easter everyone. I hope you found all of your eggs, otherwise you're in for a very smelly day. Wouldn't it suck if you could never eat any kind of junk food, or dessert?

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now

Some people just don't get things. I wish I could grab them, and shake them around. I wish I could scream and scream until they finally understand things. I wish people weren't so thick headed. I feel as if I'm vainly trying to get people to understand, and all they do is judge. It feels like they don't really try to understand what I'm saying, they just think I'm saying what they want to believe that I'm saying. I mean does it really matter? They'll just think what they want to. It's not like I'm ever going to be able to change that. It's not like I don't want to, it's just that I feel like I can't. I wish I didn't have to scream, I wish that they'd just get it. It feels like I'm trying to hard. I just feel overwhelmed.

What makes people so self centered? I mean some people say that it passes through families sometimes, but can't the people see what they're family's doing? Can't they see that they don't want to end up like it? Those people don't really have friends. 

You can talk about yourself all you want, 

but in the end of the day all you've done 

is talked about yourself. 

You haven't learned anything. 

I bet if there wasn't anyone around, 

you'd just be mad because there wasn't anyone there to brag to. 

It bugs me when all you do is talk about yourself. 

You say I don't give you a chance to talk 

when I've given you hours. 

You say I don't care about you, 

but you care so much about yourself 

to the point that it doesn't really matter. 

You don't really care what I care about, 

you just care if it affects you. 

You don't care if I'm in need, 

you just want yourself to be served. 

Don't you see a pattern? 

No one calls you anymore. 

You don't have any friends. 

No one needs you anymore. 

You just need them, 

so you don't have to talk to yourself. 

You're so focused on your achievement, 

that it doesn't matter what anyone else does. 

You just want people to notice you, 

and all your achievements. 

You're just going to stay this way. 

I'm going to grow up, move on, do my own thing. 

As much as it bugs you, it's true. 

And you, you're just going to stay here. 

Alone, because people will become tired of the one way love. 

You're just going to stay forever young in the worst way possible. 

You're like the eager child screaming "Look at me! Look at me!", and you're already an adult.

It's a pity how much I've realized

that I'll keep on changing, while you'll always be the same.

"You're so vain. I'll bet you think this song is about you don't you don't you?

A day late, a dollar short.

I've never felt so much more at ease with myself. Just me and this lovely laptop. Running short on time, I'm meeting up with some friends in 14 minutes. I'm starting to think that I've become accepting of how I look, it's not like it'll up and change anytime soon. 

I think I'm more of a Tom boy than you might think. I don't wear too much make-up and jewelery. I don't really wear skirts or dresses. I'm not much for V-necks and preppy clothes. I'm a tee-shirt and jeans kinda gal. I don't really fuss much with my hair. I own less hair stuff than a male friend of mine. I don't like manicures and pedicures. I've never gotten my hair done. I'd rather be outside. I can talk to guys, without really changing how I act. I love sports. I think I'm more like my mom than you'd think.

Well I've got to get going. 10 minutes to leave and counting. I've got more for you later.

"Ride my bike across the street, ... I wanna come home all covered in mud, I'm a boy, I'm a boy..."