So I really do want to go to sleep tonight. But have to wait for my iTunes to stop messing with me so I can turn off my laptop and actually get some sleep. As exciting as stayiing awake sounds, I think I'll pass. I have another final tomorrow and I really need the sleep. So, I decided to grace you all with some more poems. And mind you, this still isn't all of my notebook, since I'm giving then to you in moderation and it seems like I'm writing new ones everyday. Sorry to say, but these don't have titles.
if you had to choose
Between life and death,
You’d choose life right?
But what if you choices were hidden
Behind a veil of mistakes
A smoke screen of choices
A cloud of taking the easy way out?
Would you make it easy,
Or would you survive
Would you trade in your heroes
In order to become one yourself?
You’re enough of a fool
To almost believe
The lies they tell
Of the life they promise
With no more hurt
No more pain
No more sorrow
But what about
What will come tomorrow?
Would you make it easy
Or would you survive
Would you trade in your heroes
In order to become one yourself
Would you be a hero,
Or would you settle for less?
The snow is so beautiful
Blanketing the world
In a vas sea of white
Sparkling and showing off
With a slight tint of blue
It’s breathtaking
But I can’t enjoy this.
Because of you.
It’s your face that
Stands before me
Telling me that
You’ve had enough
Of waiting
You’re sick of calling
Well I’m sick
Of writing
These words for you.
So this is it
This is where we stop.
Saying goodbye isn’t as easy as it seems
When you’re saying goodbye
To the contents of your dreams
You start to falter
To lose confidence
Looking at me for confirmation
That what you’re doing isn’t going to break me
But I can’t promise you anything
And I still haven’t yet said a word
But let the tears glisten on my cheek.
It feels like I’m looking from above
I can see my scarf flutter in the wind
Like butterfly wings in flight
I can see the snow falling
And mixing in with your hair
White on dark
Standing out, shocking.
But I can’t enjoy this
Because of you.
It’s your face that
Stands before me
As we exchange our goodbyes
I see you with her now
You no longer glance my way
You still have the shirt I bought you
When we were still us.
You’ve already moved on,
And I’m still just saying goodbye.
Sometimes it feels as if,
I’m talking to a puddle.
Your thoughts and feelings so shallow
And as if mine are as deep
As those ball tanks
That young children play in
So deep that they can almost swim.
Sometimes it feels as if,
Words are everything to me.
That they’re all I have
And other times,
They’re like smoke
Slipping and swirling
Through my eager fingers
Sometimes it feels as if,
I set my expectations too high.
Like a bird trying to fly before its time.
I’m reaching out
And trying to grasp something
That’s just out of my reach
And other times,
It’s as if I set them too low,
Going for what’s easier
And keeping my feet placed firmly on the ground
Not moving forward,
But in a way, moving back.
Sometimes it feels as if,
I’m dancing on the tips of life.
Somersaulting, and flipping on the edges
Jumping around the feathered ends
Of a painter’s brush
Like a color waiting to be used.
Sometimes it feels as if,
I’m skirting the outskirts of life
Begging to be let in.
I’ve already experienced so much but,
Sometimes it feels as if,
I’m the ink covering the ball of a ballpoint pen
Waiting patiently
For my turn
To show the world
Exactly what it is
That I can do.
This story tale like of mine,
Has an ending so anti-climatic.
It’s almost as if
It’s all built up to this
A sudden drop off.
A cliff appearing out of nowhere.
A jump off from reality.
I find myself
Just another casualty
Tossed to the side,
By this life that I’ve been living
I’m standing on the outside
Of this store-front window.
A window that separates me
From the obvious brightness inside.
My reflection is placed next to
The flickers of neon
The signs sprinkled down the street
Slogans for happier people
Anthems for the overjoyed
Advertisements for the weak.
Headlights are framing my still form,
And causing it to stand out
From the snow whipping around me.
Physics states,
That we’re only as strong,
As our weakest point.
And right now,
My weakest point is breaking.
Caving in under the pressure,
Of taking another breath
Just using the energy needed
To stay alive.
I’m just another tool to be used.
Another person for the government of America,
to wring money out from.
Another perfect example
Of teen-aged angst.
These words that I write,
Sound better in my head
Then the actual phrasing and lettering
Copied down by my stumbling fingers.
Sometimes I wish I couldn’t speak,
Or at least coherently
So I’d have a better excuse
When you leave me speechless.
My sometimes nimble tongue
Trips over itself
In its eagerness to push out words
To get my point across
And somewhere in between
My brain and my tongue,
My words get twisted,
And lose their actual meaning.
It feels like I’m only me
When no one’s looking.
Pouring out my true thoughts
On flimsy pieces of paper.
To always wear a mask,
Isn’t all it’s made out to be.
Sometimes I wish
I could untie this mask,
Unravel my tongue,
Slow my racing thoughts,
And just be me.
But then again,
It just feels as if,
I’m fighting a fist-fight
Without fists
In a war
Without a cause.
Has anything that someone said,
Ever struck a chord in you?
Has it ever made you feel
As if someone finally understands
Of that they accurately expressed
The way that you feel
So precise it’s scary?
I wish I could do that.
Say something that sticks
A phrase,
A sentence,
A couple words,
That haunts you
Stays in your head
Something you could hold on to
When everything else seems blurry.
An anchor,
A safety belt,
A light in the darkness,
Something that makes you feel less alone.
Maybe that’s why I write there poems.
Hoping that someone will finally understand
Or just try hard enough
To see through
All of the shit I put up
In order to feel,
Safe
Accepted
Wanted
Loved.
Because it feels
Like I’m never truly me
Like I’m never really real,
Unless I’m hidden.
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