It's hard to lose someone. It's hard to lose someone that everyone around you loved, but you barely knew. Sure that might seem like an empty statement. You might think, "What the heck? Wouldn't it be harder if you were close to the person?" Yeah, it would be. I never said it was harder, but that it was almost just as hard. But to have to see the people around you go through it, the light in their eyes, formerly bright and shocking, now sickening and dull. It's vacant. It's empty, missing. To see the person you love cry, to see them hurt. It's like my heart's being ripped out. Right at the seems. Ripped out and stabbed. And then having someone come back and run it over with a car. Sure that sounds very morbid, but that's how I feel. A small sussurance of my former happiness is all that's left.
People take grief differently. Some try to move on, some just cry it out, some deny that it ever happened. Some just want everyone to feel sorry for them. You never know what kind of person they are, unless you've seen them at their lowest. At the worst they could be. Put someone in a horrible situation, and their true colors show.
People don't live forever. You're bound to lose the people you're closest to. A tragedy is bound to happen. You'll have to bury some people you'd never want to say good bye to. Things don't always go in order. Some parents will bury their children. Some friends will bury their best friends. Pain strikes everywhere. But it's good to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who has had to do that. You're not the only one going through pain. It's just hard when you are forced to realise just how mortal we really are. Just how fragile. No one is invincible. No one is immortal. We're all going to die at one point, there's no denying it. But it's just so shocking when an example of it all presents itself to you. Suddenly, unwanted, painful.
My great-grandma died the night before Easter. She was 100 years old. It was four days ago.
1 comment:
I think it's equal pain, having to say good-bye whether you knew them or not. Or the two are experienced so differently they simply can't be compared.
You aren't alone, that's why people write blogs, to show the world we're here for each other, no matter what the need.
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